Lamictal is the cause. I just completely crashed. Dan is still at that event. I didn’t want to bother him. I have few friends – none that I want to burden with my darkest thoughts. Ended up calling my mother.
She has never heard me in my lows. She demanded I call a doctor, immediately. I wish things were that simple.
“Mom, I see a doctor and therapist every week. And I’ll be seeing the new psychiatrist in three weeks. I called my doctor last weekend. I call her two-ish times a week. There isn’t any magic to make this stop.”
I’m still not sure if I should have called. But I need to speak to somene else. I had lost it. Crying. Cursing at myself. Hoping death would strike.
We spoke for about 20 minutes, she had to go help with children. She told me to call if anything gets worse. “I’ll have my phone on me all night. I’ll give you a call in a few hours regardless.”
I got up and took 20mg of Adderall. Then used everything I had to put myself in the car and drive to the store. I felt a bit odd.
Oh, it had been roughly three hours since I took Lamictal (Lamotrigine). between two and four hours, I usually start to feel it. Apparently that makes sense:
Lamotrigine is rapidly and completely absorbed after oral administration. Its absolute bioavailability is 98% and its plasma Cmax occurs from 1.4 to 4.8 hours.
From: Wikipedia
As Lamictal starts to work, my entire body feels the change. Over the course of a minute or so, the constant self-hate recedes.
Twelve hours of peace. Then, another pill.
too polar 
I’m sorry you’re suffering. I know it will get better.
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I’m printing out these posts so I can read them at the doctor’s office. I have three doc appointments this week. I start disassociating, losing my keys, taking my scripts twice….from overmedicalization.
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